eee – motion

Is it wrong to be led by emotions? I want to say yes. That emotions are fleeting, they are futile and ever changing. But isn't there also something very pure within our emotions? Something raw and untouched. Uncontrolled? I feel as though my initial decision to believe in Jesus Christ was based off of my emotions. I was at a low point, didn't know what I was living for and saw Jesus as the Truth. I don't think this is wrong but perhaps not the best way to go about making such a lasting decision.

I went to Chicago last week. Andrea, a good friend of mine wants to move there and was interviewing at various design firms. I thought it would be a great opportunity to see my dear friend Brooke who now lives there. As I spent the days wandering around differing parts of the city, while Andrea was interviewing and Brooke was at work, I began to ask myself if this could be home. I wanted to feel like I could live there, and I know that I could, but it just wasn't right. But how can that be? How can a foreign city feel right or not right? Do I really want to base my future home off of a feeling I get? I think of London and how it gives me such a wonderful feeling. Yet this isn't the reason I want to move there; and perhaps this feeling is only made up in my head. That once there (permanently) I would experience all together a new and differing feeling. I decided the reason Chicago did not strike me was because it felt very rigid. Very corporate. When I went downtown I felt I needed to be wearing black and nothing that would stand out too much. I just couldn't be myself. As much as I enjoyed reading a book in Millennium park while children played in the fountains or as I wandered down streets popping in and out of stores with no intention of ever buying anything, this was not my home.

I also began to worry more about my future. Or at least began to see the realization of how difficult this process is going to be. Seeing Andrea doing so many interviews and knowing that my process will be much different. I cannot call up a firm in London and go and interview on the spot. I have to convince someone that I am worth the trouble of flying over, that I have more to offer than someone who is readily available there. I have a more hectic process of work visas and moving that many people don't have to worry about. It is daunting but I will continue to press forward. To do what I can so that I will have no room for regrets in the end.

And in the end of it all my trust needs to be put forth through Jesus Christ. I need to trust Him in my future and the direction I end up, no matter what it is. I haven't been doing much of that lately, and I have no excuses. I need to keep my eyes peeled for the Master.