the end.

Last week I decided to give up. I cannot keep sitting at home waiting for emails to return from firms that may never contact me or who love my work but cannot offer me an internship until next spring. If I could go back I would do things much differently. But I've gained some great contacts and I know it does not stop here.

I realized I've had complete tunnel vision and have pushed God out of the picture in allowing Him to control any aspect of this job search. But actually He probably has been controlling this in the way it has worked out. So last Saturday I told God, "I give up." I put it in His hands and said if I heard nothing back by the end of the week I would focus my attention on finding a job in Minneapolis. This was almost a relief, to give up control which I should have let go from the beginning, and that I had said all along I was giving up, but I was only lying to myself. So at that point I sent one last portfolio to a firm in Hilversum, Holland who is looking for an intern in November. They got back to me quickly, said they were interested and once I gave my definitive answer they would phone interview me and two other applicants.

I have an interview tomorrow.

So I have let go. I'm okay if I don't get this. Perhaps my pride will hurt but that's already been done quite a bit lately. I'm ready to settle down as well and find an apartment in Minneapolis, so that will either be sooner or in a few months.

It's so much better when you stop lying to yourself and actually let God rule in your life.

London is still in the back of my head. Perhaps it's time to go somewhere new though. And there's always the possibility of interning after the New Year when they actually want me. Timing is just getting in the way and I suppose that's just how it's going to be.

the end.