desaturated colour

I'm back home where I grew up. I went outside today and took pictures of my childhood. It was sad in a way, seeing how everything is so old and rundown. Everything really is past, but it was almost ethereal; the way everything looked so desaturated as if I was seeing in black and white. It fit perfectly with how I would imagine my past now, once in vibrant colours reduced to a desaturated grownup world. It was beautiful. Just how I would want it to be.




So as I've been asking questions of and about God lately, I realized I was reducing God to a science instead of allowing myself to be in awe of His presence. We are called to have a childlike faith and I think I've been trying to think so much that I've taken away this faith. This does not mean to blindly believe in something, as a lot of people think Christians do anyway, because as any child does they ask questions. They question why they are to do certain things or why the world acts in a certain way. I think it's a good thing to question our beliefs to challenge them and be challenged, but with that not to take away from them.

And as I began to ask questions of our reality, how do we know what's really real and true? How do we know we are being genuine when we've been told to act a certain way all our lives; when we are told certain things are wrong that seem to go against what we want to do instinctively. How even the idea of sacrifice seems objectifying and odd. But by first looking at all of these things from a secular point of view and then putting them in the context of Jesus they made sense. God explains so much of why we are this way, we are always searching for something better yet never satisfied. Why we long to worship something and turn objects into more than what they are. I'm not trying to put God as a cop out and say that since I can't explain anything it must be God, but it genuinely makes sense to me.

It's been good to get a way for a week. My mind needs a break so my heart can begin to love God again, or perhaps begin to appreciate and love all that He has done.