memory of God.

My last spring break is over, wisdom teeth out and everything. Six weeks of school remaining.

I've come to realize that I have narrowed my options after school down to one thing; finding a job. Obviously this is the right thing to do, there's nothing wrong with it, but am I focusing so much on what I think I need in my future that am I missing other opportunities that may not seem so conventional? I always thought I would keep my options open to missions once I graduated and now that the time has come I have hardly considered it. It's more of me saying I will fit that into my personally planned life if it works.

After reading through some verses in 1Peter I realized how much I am lacking in living an honoring life. I feel like I keep slipping further and further from purity, from pursuing God and being satisfied in His love and knowledge of me. Do I get crushes on so many people—people I know I don't really want to date—because I am not seeking out my first love? The hard part about having a relationship with God is that it is unlike anything we know. We can't see Him or touch Him or have the type of conversation we are used to. It's hard because you have to work at this type of relationship because we are usually satisfied by the mere sight of a person but with God we have to be satisfied through His presence not just visually.

So how do we even know God exists? I was thinking about this today, for me it's simple because I believe in Jesus. Even if I didn't know Jesus was the son of God but I found that He rose from the dead, that the earth shook when He died, that He came back and talked to people and He said it was because of God, His Father. Then that's how I know.

And then I read 1Peter1:8-9 today and it even talked about this difficult relationship with God:
Though you have not seen Him, you love; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

I wish so badly that all those who say they believe in Jesus would show it in their lives. I wish I showed it in my life, that I would be filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy because of my faith. That I would be holy in all that I do and self controlled. That I would have sincere love for everyone in my life and love them deeply from my heart. We try and live this perfect life from the outside but really we just need to be sincere and honest in our lives and that's how we get closer to the perfection of Jesus.

And then I woke up the other morning with a random thought about perfection. When we think/imagine people, objects, events do we envision them as perfect? And how do we know what perfect is when we've never experienced it? Are things perfect in a different way in which we think perfection means? I know what perfect is through Jesus, but how does someone who claims not to believe in Jesus or has never heard of Jesus understand perfection? Where does that example come from? Are we able to come up with new ideas and creations from things we have never seen, heard of or experienced or is everything based off of something else? And if this is true then how would we make up an idea about God if there was never any memory of Him?