How is it that we say we are distant from God or that our faith is lacking when God is omnipresent. When God never changes and does not exist in some time frame where he is more powerful than other times. Everything is happening right now for God, he has no future or past He just IS. Why do we so long to satisfy ourselves yet are never satisfied. We never seem to learn from our mistakes. I go to church and ask myself what I got out of it. when will we start living the way we were intended to live? to live for God, to be holy and pure and praise His name.
My mind has been searching for God and knowing Him more in this way, but my heart has been lacking. I am entrhalled to be challenged in my faith, to think deeply and ask questions about God, yet when it comes to my personal faith where it's just Him and I, I lose my focus and I feel that distance which I cannot understand. But how do I live without trying to please myself? How do I live an honest life where I am not fake in my actions even if they are the right actions. how do I get back to the roots of purity? I want to be consistent in my faith, I want to emit Christ in everything that I do. I say these words but I do not live by them. How do I begin to live them?
I know that I need to let go of myself. Quit trying to blur the lines and see how far I can push things and not feel guilty. Perhaps we all need to feel destruction in our lives so that we can come back to the rawness that is ourselves. Destruction does not make something extinct, it only takes away for a while until you start to rebuild again. I think I need to be rebuilt.
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Living the European life
2 comments:
I love this Britts. I feel on the same page these days, asking the same kinds of questions. It's pretty rad to be challenged and think to understand God more with your mind. At the same time, there's still that longing we have to have a relationship that is not fulfilled by intelligence. It's harder to embrace that.
I had a revelation tonight at Bible study that would maybe explain why this is a common struggle: God wants us to have a child-like faith, which is simple and trusting and not questioning. But right now, at the place we're at in life, everyone around us is telling us we have to be adults and acclamate ourselves into adulthood. Maybe to think one way and live another messes with our minds and our consciences.
It's cool how we used to make fun of Britts for saying "I think with my mind and then I know," but now I'm realizing that it really is true. Romans 12 just says it in a different way: test and approve. See, Brittni, you really are a genius.
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