I had a breakdown yesterday. Not really sure why. I think lack of sleep. I just sat there and cried and then cried because I didn't know why I was crying, and cried because I'm not stressed i'm just tired and broken. I realized, although design is important and it is something that I love that it's not worth the way it is making me feel. I can't make it my life because it's not what I live for. I live for God and He has be first in my life. When I start to make design and finding a job my life it just tears me apart, I start questioning everything I do, I feel like a failure. It seeps into other areas of my life that aren't related to design and I discourage myself. And as long as I am living by the Word of God, trying to please Him in my life, I know that God will provide for me. I will find a job or do missions or whatever He wants me to do because He is my provider and creator. When I feel alone and when all of us in design can't even help each other because we are all on nerve, I have God who is there asking me to rest in Him.
Life is fluid, I have nothing to lose. As Mickelson, my design professor, just told me "DO IT." He said I'm already setting myself up for failure by the way I'm talking. Who cares if I fail there is nothing to lose, DO IT! Honestly I have nothing to complain about, I am blessed beyond what I can understand. I was able to have lunch and beer with my religion professor yesterday smoking cigz and talking about life. It was great and I thank God for how much I have grown and developed over these past years. God has more planned and I need to stop questioning myself because in doing so I'm questioning God's divine authority and who am I to question the creator of our universe?
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Living the European life
1 comment:
i think he is always there for you. and has blessed you with a talent which is shown through design and i think you glorify him by caring so much about it. i am sure he knows you love him and want to do what he wants you to do. and you are not a failure. it sounds corny but anyone who tries is never a failure.
my heart is heavy too right now. i am sad everyday. i miss nate and i dont know how to let him go and i feel like a failure in not being able to make our relationship last and in not being able to let it go now that its done. and it is effecting me on a daily basis as well, where i dont have the passion for things i once had.
i dunno where im going with this....but you shouldnt be so hard on yourself. i think you need to view design as a gift and realize its ok to care about it a lot and sometimes more than is necessary, b/c its something god has given you out of his love for you.
Post a Comment