25 March 2007

doin it.

my mind won't stop working. this week has been filled with design. non
stop design. i do it when i wake up. i do it all day. i do it in class.
i do it on the weekend. i'm doin it. i even dream about it. the amazing
thing though i actually feel on top of things. i feel like i am accomplishing something and i suppose there is something to be said for that. i randomly sent my resume and a
.pdf of some of my work to a firm in amsterdam. www.artmiks.nl/ we'll see what happens. we'll see what God wants for me.

19 March 2007

memory of God.

My last spring break is over, wisdom teeth out and everything. Six weeks of school remaining.

I've come to realize that I have narrowed my options after school down to one thing; finding a job. Obviously this is the right thing to do, there's nothing wrong with it, but am I focusing so much on what I think I need in my future that am I missing other opportunities that may not seem so conventional? I always thought I would keep my options open to missions once I graduated and now that the time has come I have hardly considered it. It's more of me saying I will fit that into my personally planned life if it works.

After reading through some verses in 1Peter I realized how much I am lacking in living an honoring life. I feel like I keep slipping further and further from purity, from pursuing God and being satisfied in His love and knowledge of me. Do I get crushes on so many people—people I know I don't really want to date—because I am not seeking out my first love? The hard part about having a relationship with God is that it is unlike anything we know. We can't see Him or touch Him or have the type of conversation we are used to. It's hard because you have to work at this type of relationship because we are usually satisfied by the mere sight of a person but with God we have to be satisfied through His presence not just visually.

So how do we even know God exists? I was thinking about this today, for me it's simple because I believe in Jesus. Even if I didn't know Jesus was the son of God but I found that He rose from the dead, that the earth shook when He died, that He came back and talked to people and He said it was because of God, His Father. Then that's how I know.

And then I read 1Peter1:8-9 today and it even talked about this difficult relationship with God:
Though you have not seen Him, you love; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

I wish so badly that all those who say they believe in Jesus would show it in their lives. I wish I showed it in my life, that I would be filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy because of my faith. That I would be holy in all that I do and self controlled. That I would have sincere love for everyone in my life and love them deeply from my heart. We try and live this perfect life from the outside but really we just need to be sincere and honest in our lives and that's how we get closer to the perfection of Jesus.

And then I woke up the other morning with a random thought about perfection. When we think/imagine people, objects, events do we envision them as perfect? And how do we know what perfect is when we've never experienced it? Are things perfect in a different way in which we think perfection means? I know what perfect is through Jesus, but how does someone who claims not to believe in Jesus or has never heard of Jesus understand perfection? Where does that example come from? Are we able to come up with new ideas and creations from things we have never seen, heard of or experienced or is everything based off of something else? And if this is true then how would we make up an idea about God if there was never any memory of Him?

14 March 2007

desaturated colour

I'm back home where I grew up. I went outside today and took pictures of my childhood. It was sad in a way, seeing how everything is so old and rundown. Everything really is past, but it was almost ethereal; the way everything looked so desaturated as if I was seeing in black and white. It fit perfectly with how I would imagine my past now, once in vibrant colours reduced to a desaturated grownup world. It was beautiful. Just how I would want it to be.




So as I've been asking questions of and about God lately, I realized I was reducing God to a science instead of allowing myself to be in awe of His presence. We are called to have a childlike faith and I think I've been trying to think so much that I've taken away this faith. This does not mean to blindly believe in something, as a lot of people think Christians do anyway, because as any child does they ask questions. They question why they are to do certain things or why the world acts in a certain way. I think it's a good thing to question our beliefs to challenge them and be challenged, but with that not to take away from them.

And as I began to ask questions of our reality, how do we know what's really real and true? How do we know we are being genuine when we've been told to act a certain way all our lives; when we are told certain things are wrong that seem to go against what we want to do instinctively. How even the idea of sacrifice seems objectifying and odd. But by first looking at all of these things from a secular point of view and then putting them in the context of Jesus they made sense. God explains so much of why we are this way, we are always searching for something better yet never satisfied. Why we long to worship something and turn objects into more than what they are. I'm not trying to put God as a cop out and say that since I can't explain anything it must be God, but it genuinely makes sense to me.

It's been good to get a way for a week. My mind needs a break so my heart can begin to love God again, or perhaps begin to appreciate and love all that He has done.

05 March 2007

searching for God.

How is it that we say we are distant from God or that our faith is lacking when God is omnipresent. When God never changes and does not exist in some time frame where he is more powerful than other times. Everything is happening right now for God, he has no future or past He just IS. Why do we so long to satisfy ourselves yet are never satisfied. We never seem to learn from our mistakes. I go to church and ask myself what I got out of it. when will we start living the way we were intended to live? to live for God, to be holy and pure and praise His name.

My mind has been searching for God and knowing Him more in this way, but my heart has been lacking. I am entrhalled to be challenged in my faith, to think deeply and ask questions about God, yet when it comes to my personal faith where it's just Him and I, I lose my focus and I feel that distance which I cannot understand. But how do I live without trying to please myself? How do I live an honest life where I am not fake in my actions even if they are the right actions. how do I get back to the roots of purity? I want to be consistent in my faith, I want to emit Christ in everything that I do. I say these words but I do not live by them. How do I begin to live them?

I know that I need to let go of myself. Quit trying to blur the lines and see how far I can push things and not feel guilty. Perhaps we all need to feel destruction in our lives so that we can come back to the rawness that is ourselves. Destruction does not make something extinct, it only takes away for a while until you start to rebuild again. I think I need to be rebuilt.

01 March 2007

today.

i'm lacking sleep. drinking loads of coffee and reading about theory of religion, while a snow storm is happening outside my window. i absolutely love this.

here is an excerpt from the theory of religion by georges bataille:

The General Weakness of Moral Divinity and the Strength of Evil:
Precisely because awakening is the the meaning of dualism, the inevitable sleep that follows it reintroduces evil as a major force. The flatness to which a dualism without transcendence is limited opens up the mind to the sovereignty of evil which is the unleashing of violence. The sovereignty of good that is implied by the awakening and realized by the sleep of dualism is also a reduction to the order of things that leaves no opening except toward a return to violence. Dull-minded dualism returns to the position prior to the awakening: the malefic world takes on a value much the same as the one it had in the archaic position. It is less important than it was in the sovereignty of a pure violence, which did not have a sense of evil, but the forces of evil never lost their divine value except within the limits of a developed reflection, and their apparently inferior status cannot prevent ordinary humanity from continuing to live under their power.

it goes on..

relativism

i'm really frustrated the way things ended in my religion class the other day. somehow my papers always spur on these deep philosophical questions that don't entirely relate to the books we've read. sorry professor buyze. but in this last paper, over the theory of religion by bataille, he raised a lot of questions in me about the meaning of objects. How man has given everything meaning and purpose and man himself becomes an object. And somehow this relates to our spirit and how our spirit is separate from us once we die that "the spirit is so closely linked to the body as a thing that the body never ceases to be haunted, is never a thing except virtually, so much so that if death reduces it to the condition of a thing, the spirit is more present than ever: the body that has betrayed it reveals it more clearly than when it served it. In a sense the corpse is the most complete affirmation of the spirit" (40). So in fact even when man becomes an object it is only metaphorically because we have the spirit which keeps us separate.

But then I was questioned about saying that truth is independent from belief. We can believe whatever we want but that does not make it true. I can believe that my hair is blonde but it obviously is not true. This seems to make perfect sense. And it doesn't mean not to believe in anything, there is obviously truth out there, there is an answer to everything whether we will ever find the answer or not. I just can't understand how someone can argue that our beliefs create truth. We may convince ourself that it is truth but that still does not make it so.

Will someone please argue this? I want to hear an intelligent side to someone who believes in relativism, and for that matter an argument against it as well. Because if ethical relativism is true what I believe is 100% true and what you believe is 100% true, therefore there can never be moral progress.

And what is the difference between truth and fact?

ohhhh thoughts thoughts thoughts.

08 February 2007

why not?

i'm having a hard time designing right now. my mind is everywhere. i get little bits done here and there but i need like a massive work time where i do nothing but breathe this design. my dad just called. made me cry because i'm a baby and get emotional over nothing. i was just thinking i wish it would warm up but honestly i don't mind the cold that much. -20 degrees is a little extreme but spring is too mushy for me. can we just skip to summer? i want to be tan againnnnnnnnn. ashely sent me my photo album from london. i left it at her place in michigan this summer. i've been thinking about london a lot lately. i've really got to get on top of things and send some work out. i wish i had the money to just move there. why do i want to go so bad? why not though? i can't help it. i need to be smart about it though, i mean i would really be alone; and yet that doesn't seem to really both me. maybe i just haven't really thought about it. i need to keep praying, i mean why would God want me to go there? but why not?

i sat and tried to do homework today; instead i ended up writing this on a scrap piece of paper...
"i can only base my ideas from my own experiences, what i read, and what i am told; experience having the most influence. this doesn't create truth from my ideas but it does provide a basis and reason. therefore, why not experience more challenging things?

i want to move to london and live. breathe. make it on my own and always know i will have a place to return to if it doesn't work. this life is not all there is. there are no excuses to be reckless or careless but there is no reason not to push yourself and the limitations that have been placed on your identity.there is a whole world out there with people who may need you to make a difference in their life. find them and emit God in everything that you do. this is part of why we live. perhaps it's time. "

02 February 2007

representation

how do we know when we are trusting in God? no matter what the situation we are saying that we trust in God, but what does that really mean? what does that look like? i can trust in God if i decide to quite my job, or i can trust God in staying with my job. how do we honestly trust in God? or is it less of trusting IN Him and more of just trusting Him?

i feel as though i'm in a weird place right now. when i'm in class and actually think about it, i realize how much i love what i am doing. i could not imagine doing anything else but design. i also am being challenged through my philosophy and religion class, making me think deeper about God and realizing how naive and ignorant we are so much of the time. so many people are relativists and say we should all believe what we want and that's okay for you and this is okay for me. but this doesn't make any sense! that would make us all right 100% of the time, we would never be wrong we would never get any better or worse morally. don't you think if we actually lived life as though what i believe should be what you believe, things would be a lot different? when i was in rome, God was preparing me for all of this. He started to press into my mind more, making me think more of philosophy and scientific questions of why and how God can exist. i miss the way i was with my roommates, the discussions we had and the challenges we faced with five girls living together. in fact, i am missing a lot about rome, and i wasn't sure if i would really feel this way, but like in every case i am idealizing the past and remembering all the fun things and laughing at those which were horrible. i'm not thinking of all this in a bad way where i am trying to live through the past. i am just remembering.


i feel as though i haven't taken the time to write my thoughts. these aren't really much of my thoughts at all.

26 December 2006

closure.




so i'm back in america now. adjusting to life. everything is pretty natural and yet strange at the same time. it's good to be around family and friends again. we ran into some trouble coming home and ended up getting stuck in chicago. i had to stay the night there and my parents came and picked up andrea, linds and i. otherwise i wouldn't have gotten a flight home until christmas day, things were crazy there. here are some pics from our final week in rome/paris. merry Christmas!!

this was a man's home we walked by all the time. he sold his paintings on the steps of a church a few feet away.

this is where we found our favourite gelato. biscotti della nonna. mmmmm mmmm mmmm

ivana! she's our friend who was studying in rome, but lived in vienna and was from macedonia. she was great.


PARIS:
rodin museum

linds and andrea at the paris train station


hot wine!

scott was pretty tired at the restaurant

we rode the carousel at the eiffel tower!

we take lots of pictures.

figuring out the metro tickets and making lots and lots of people wait.

versailles palace

versailles

versailles

going home to rome from paris.

23 December 2006

end of school schtuff

our list of things to do hanging on our wall.

the mess-up wall.

our exhibition schtuff

my schutff

our books we made. it's like kindergarten pics or something.

goodbye studio...goodbye roma...

20 December 2006

paris

paris was amazing. i will recap on everything in a few days. i have wonderful pictures and updates, just not the time to get to it all. see ya on friday!

16 December 2006

wrap it up.


we did it. had our rome show last night. we were so exhausted. after the show we all headed over to the guys place. we were so tired we figured it was about 1am but really it was only 9. we made sure that no one set their alarms in our flat so we could catch up on all our lost sleep. so far we've slept in today and will head to the matisse exhibit shortly. we leave for paris at 4am tomororw! yikes. and then will be back tuesday evening to pack up and get out of here.

a few pics from our night...



hookah time



zak was a little sleepy so we decided to do a little more design work.



i like my friends

14 December 2006

it's overrrrrrrrrrr!!!

i am officially done with my projects. they are printed and i am done thinking about them. i am so excited to put my life back in order, everything has been spiraling out of control. i am wearing a pair of socks for the fourth day in a row now, i think my jeans are on day three and i haven't washed my hair since monday. hahaha. our apartment has been a disaster with paper covering the floor, glue and tape everywhere, our mess-up projects taped to the wall next to our checklist of projects to get done.

i am very impressed with my roommates/best friends. andrea is in the process of making an illuminated manuscript. for those who are unfamiliar with this; think very very old books that were hand written in scripty caligraphy, tiny animals and doodles adorning the pages, with large colourful dropcaps. ya, she's pretty much amazing. the teachers gave her an extension because they knew it was too much to do in 3 days, but andrea is our little scribe who won't stop working and she'll have it done for tomorrow.

lindsey on the other hand made a children's book. wrote the story, hand drew all the illustrations and then watercoloured it all. she finished today and it is amazing as well.

tomorrow (friday) is our final exhibition. we'll set up our projects from the semester, along with interior design and fine arts and have food and wine. we've invited people to walk through and see our stuff.

after friday i'll finally have a life again and free time to see the last sites of rome. i should have lots of fun things to post, as well as our mini trip to paris. i fly out 22 december and i can hardly wait. i think i will be torn as i leave so many things i've grown accustomed to.

one thing i will not miss in rome....the men. my roommate elisa actually punched a man, in the face, on the bus the other night after some drunk italians were harassing her. when she got home her hand was bleeding. my roommates are amazing.

11 December 2006

functional fixedness

you know you are desperate when you eat bran and yogurt with a bone folder.

08 December 2006

packaging

little update. went to the doctor because my itching was out of control. first of all, try to avoid foreign hospitals as much as possible. the doctor was a little sketchy and at the end he tells me i owe him 50 euro in cash. so i hand him the bill and he takes out his money clip and sticks it in with his wad of cash back into his pocket. hmmmmm seems a little fishy, but what are you gonna do i suppose.

so here are some pics of us working hard in our mess of a studio. and here are my final packages, which caused my allergic itching reaction. please pray that we make it through this last week.





06 December 2006

inSANEEEEEE

there are pictures from this weekend.

www.andreasgiornale.blogspot.com

that'd be us, locked in our apartment, over the weekend, trying to stay sane.

05 December 2006

stay kool in school

so i wish i had recent pictures to post. but my life has been consisting of projects and more projects and lots more projects. studio hours have now been extended until 3am. great. i shall be using them. i won't go into detail how much we have to do, otherwise i may start crying, but for the most part we are trying to stay sane and have fun in the process. i am almost done with one project (packaging). i don't like to think about folding paper in 3D, so to skirt around this issue i decided to build my packages out of a thick matboard that i would layer on top of each other. so i've cut over 50 pieces of board that i've been sanding and gluing together. i've contracted some type of allergic reaction and i'm starting to break out in small bumps all over my body that won't stop itching. the pain we go through for school! i would write about what i did this weekend but i think it's pretty obvious that i spent almost every waking minute cutting board. Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. on a positive note, we bought tickets to paris! school ends december 15 so we are going to enjoy freedom from homework with a smll trip to paris. yay.

29 November 2006

smooshy

sometimes you just have to keep yourself entertained when in rome. go to www.lindseybennett.blospot.com to see us working hard in class.

27 November 2006

greece


greece was wonderful. a lot of things were closed friday evening so we walked around and saw some the olympian zeus temple from the outside, then played in a park. they had the best park ever with lots of wonderful play things that would never go over in america.

here we are playing




ate a delicious greek, meal of lamb and rested up for another day. saturday we walked to acropolis hill and saw the famous parthenon. it was really intersting comparing the greek temples to the roman ones i am surrounded with daily. the greeks built their structures in the round and used marble throughout, whereas romans were only concerned with the front of buildings and the surface looking nice. so in rome, i'm used to seeing the inner forms of structures of brick and gray rock. in greece we actually saw white marble so you had more of an idea what these temples really looked like.

[from acropolis]








probably walked a good 10 hours after crossing town to the archeological museum where we saw some sculptures and artifacts from the year 5000BC. unbelievable. i am amazed at how advanced the greeks were and how our minds were created by God to work. amazing.

we finished off our trip on sunday at the market. walked for hours going back over the same streets i swear! everything looked the same. tried some coconut sticks and a greek pita. we did pretty good for being surounded by greek letters and not really knowing what was going on. i like greece. it's pretty neat.

more pics from the weekend.



walk off that thanksgiving.


wow i've been super busy with the parentals. i met up with them on thursday morning, after finishing up some projects. we walked up avantine hill snuck into the knights of malta (different country) and then proceeded to be kicked out of the knights of malta. walked along the tiber crossed the river to tiber island and just walked some more until we met for class to go to the EUR. my parents came with and we got to see some great facism architecture from mussolini. we probably walked over eight hours that day. that night we celebrated thanksgiving with a little homemade pumpking pie that steph made for us, complimentary of our mom's. our meal consisted of pizza, pumpkin pie, wine and cheese.



friday morning we left for the airport and flew to greece.

check out next blog.